Through my eyes
by carlycarter
Summary: Kate/Juliet, Set in season 3. 'Maybe she has grown accustomed to the way Juliet has become her eyes. Maybe she isn't ready to let go of that magical melody of Juliet's voice resounding in the darkness.'
1. Chapter 1

_Thanks to Kassandra Luem for the prompt :) and for introducing me to LOST and Kuliet. _

_I'm new to the show and the characters, and apologise for inconsistencies in the characters or storylines. It's just the way I see Kate and Juliet, and of course it won't be the same as everyone's views. I mean no offence to anyone or their favourite characters....just written in fun from my imagination. Set around season three, after the 'others' have left Juliet behind._

_Enjoy xoxo_

_**Through my eyes**_

_**Chapter 1**_

You can't say we never tried" she stated softly, a quiet, heavy sadness in her voice. She sits, dejected, aimlessly sifting the dirt through her fingers, staring at the firelight.

"That sounds like defeat." Sayid whispers in reply. "That isn't the Kate I know."

Maybe you don't know me half as well as you think you do, Kate tells herself, Maybe no one knows me.

"There was never any sense trying to make Jack understand. He isn't thinking with his head right now. "

The words stung. But as Kate looked over to Jack sleeping only metres from her, from Juliet, she knew it was true. The way Jack protected Juliet, defended her. He was attracted to her. He looked to Juliet the way he once looked to Kate.

"Sorry, I didn't mean…" Sayid mumbled, shifting his gaze to the ground, unable to look her in the eye. "It's time for action, time to take this out of Jack's hands."

"What are you gonna do?" Kate asked him sceptically. She already knew the answer, she'd seen it, that murderous gleam in his eyes. He was hungry for blood. Juliet;s blood.

"It's best you don't know the details." Sayid answered.

"You're going to kill her." Somehow Kate finds herself unable to speak Juliet's name aloud.

"She is a threat to all of us, our survival. She is more dangerous that you realise. It would be suicide to allow that woman to come back to the beach with us, to live among us. She has to be stopped. There is only one way. It's unfortunate. But this place is brutal. It's her, or us. I have to do what needs to be done, to protect the others."

It's not that Kate disagrees. It just sits uneasy with her. "When Jack finds out…." She warns.

"I'll make it look like an accident. A wild animal. Dangerous place the jungle. Camping here like this, anything could happen to any one of us."

It sends chills down her spine. Did Sayid think she'd be all for it? Why? Because of the insane jealousy she knows is oozing out of her every pore everytime Jack looks at Juliet? Or because she'd killed in the past? Did he think she wouldn't even flinch at the thought of taking a human life?

"Just keep jack out of the way, that's all I ask. If he wakes up, distract him"

"How?" She wants to know. If Jack woke, and found Sayid and Juliet gone, how could Kate stop him?

"You'll think of a way." Sayid answers with a wink.

Kate doesn't think she is of much interest to Jack these days. Not since he found out about Sawyer, not since Juliet came along. All she can do is hope and pray that Jack sleeps soundly through the entire thing.

~~  
Kate wakes from her restless sleep to someone poking her. She assumes it is Sayid, wanting to make sure she was awake, keeping an eye on Jack, and she mumbles softly. "All right, I'm awake."

"Good." Comes the reply. But it isn't Sayid's voice. It isn't even Jack. It's her. Juliet.

"I need to go." Juliet whispers as Kate looks to her quizzically.

"Then go." Kate tells her. Good idea, run now while you still can.

"To the, uh, ladies room." Juliet explains.

Kate had to stifle her laughter, was this woman serious? "Then go." Kate repeats. "You don't need my permission."

"By myself?" Juliet asks incredulously.

"Yes, all by yourself. You're a big girl now. The five star facilities are just over that way. Watch out for snakes though."

Did Juliet really think Kate was gonna leave her nice warm spot by the fire just to escort her to the "ladies room"? After Juliet imprisoned her, lied to her, threw all her mistakes with Jack in her face? Juliet is standing there looking down at Kate expectantly. As if she actually expects Kate is going to get up, as if Kate owes her something.

As Kate turns away from Juliet's insistent gaze, she realised with irritation that she has to "go" as well. Kate stands to her feet, looking down to the men who were both sleeping soundly by the camp fire.

"Come on then, hurry up" Kate instructs. Truth be told, Kate led Juliet just a little bit further away from the camp than was necessary. Not because she had any sinister plans for the woman, just because she delighted in seeing Juliet squirm a little more with each dark footstep in to the jungle. It made her feel superior.

"Here?" Juliet looks around in disgust.

"What did you expect? You've never done this before, have you?"

"This? No." Juliet answers.

"How many years have you lived on this island? You've never been camping?"

"No. Why would I? We lived in perfectly comfortable civilisation, unlike some people. No need to go traipsing off into the jungle like barbarians."

"Believe it or not, I came from civilization too. My plane crashed here you know, I didn't choose to live like this. But you're gonna have to learn to make the best of it if you want to survive."

Juliet folds her arms defiantly "I'll just wait."

"Wait for what? Until we get to the five star bathrooms?"

"Until the morning, it's pitch black, I cant see a thing, I'll wait."

"Suit yourself." Again Kate tried to stifle her laughter at this image of Juliet completely out of her comfort zone. Juliet shot her an irritated glance and then her eyes clouded over with fear.

"What?" Kate asked, as she looked over her shoulder to find Sayid standing in the bushes. "It's just Sayid." Kate assured Juliet, rolling her eyes. And for a moment life really is that simple. Teasing Juliet as if they were school girls on a camping trip, hiding from the boys pretending to be monsters in the forest. It takes Kate a moment to realise it isn't 'just Sayid.' It's Sayid, with a knife in his hand, and a thirst for Juliet's blood. Juliet was right to be afraid. Not so foolish to take some company with her on the trip to the ladies room after all.

The expression on Juliet's face hardened instinctively after that brief uncharacteristic glimpse of human terror. Kate felt connected to Juliet somehow in that moment. Maybe that was all part of Juliet's plan, with that stupid handcuff trick, to make Kate think they were "In it together." Maybe Juliet had been skilfully playing her all along. Kate only knew that she somehow felt connected, after seeing fear in the other woman's eyes. That she looked to Juliet and for the first time saw her as a human being.

"Go back to camp, Kate." Sayid orders her.

Kate resents him in that moment, telling her what to do as if she were a child. Instead of turning and walking away, Kate turns and places herself protectively in front of Juilet. If anyone asked her later why she had done it, she wouldn't be able to give an answer.

Sayid hadn't been expecting it, the knife has already left his hand, and is hurtling through the night air towards Kate. Kate is frozen, but Juliet pushes her to the ground, falling on top of her. Kate hears the thump as the knife landed, slicing into the tree trunk, or was it the sound of her skull striking the rock on the ground? Kate feels Juliet's heart beating on top of her, feels her breath warm against her skin. And then, there was silent darkness.

"Look what you've done now." Sayid accuses Juliet.

"What I've done? I was trying to push her out of the way of your knife."

"What the hell is going on?" They both turn to see Jack standing metres away. He looks to the two of them, Sayid and Juliet. Then to Kate unconscious on the ground.

"What happened?"

"She attacked Kate." Sayid doesn't waste a moment telling his twisted side of the events. After all, there Kate is, lying unconscious on the ground, the evidence speaks for itself. "I told you it was dangerous to bring her along."

Jack isn't sure what to make of this. He looks towards Kate, contempt in his eyes. Still blaming her for wrecking his chance to get off the island, still hurt by the fact she betrayed him with Sawyer. Juliet, for her part, says nothing. Not a single word of denial or defence. And finally his Doctor self takes over and he bends down to Kate sweeping her hair from her face. In the dim light he can see the graze on her head, the rock where she fell.

"It was an accident." Juliet tells him as she crouches beside him "She fell."

"You would say that." Sayid taunts her.

"Enough." Jack picks Kate up into his arms, and carries her back to the campsite.

~


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

Kate is dimly aware of the presence of the others, their constant murmuring. She can hear the fire crackling near by, feel it's warmth. Feel the constant throbbing ache in her head.

Kate thinks her eyes must be glued shut, because she it trying to open them, but she can't see anything. She moves her fingers along her face, there must be something, a blindfold perhaps , obscuring her vision. But there is nothing there, and her eyes are open. She holds her hands in front of her face, trembling. She wills herself to see. But there is only darkness surrounding her on every side. She stands shakily to her feet.

At the sensation of the hand on her shoulder, Kate screams. Not because she cant see who it is, but because she cant- see- anything-, full stop. She screams and kicks at the person, who it turns out from the way he swears as her foot collides with his knee, is Jack.

"Crazy bitch." Jack curses under his breath as he steps back rubbing his knee.

"Kate." Sayid calls her name. She spins around to the direction of the voice, and feels his hand on her back as he stands beside her. Before he can ask her what's wrong, she elbows him in the side angrily shoving him away from her. Somewhere she knows that neither one meant her any harm. But everything is so very dark, and she feels threatened.

As the men stand bewildered and injured. Juliet steps forward, taking Kate's trembling wrists in her hands.

"Kate, look at me." Juliet instructs her. And for unknown reasons, Kate doesn't push the other woman away.

Instead she takes a deep breath and in a shaky broken whisper, she answers Juliet. "I can't. I can't see you, I can't see anything."

Jack, as if he doesn't believe Kate, stands before her, waving his hand in front of her face. Kate doesn't flinch.

"It's alright, you hit your head. You just need to rest." Juliet tells her calmly, still holding onto her wrists firmly as she exchanges a worried glance with Jack.

"You did this to her." Sayid accuses Juliet.

"She fell and hit her head." Jack jumps to Juliet's defence without missing a beat.

"She hit her head and now she is completely blind? Things like that don't happen." Sayid answers.

"Are you a Doctor now?" Jack asks.

Now that she cant see anything, every sound seems to resonate so much louder, it hurts her ears/ Kate frees her hands from Juliet's grasp and reaches instinctively to cover them, To drown out their pointless bickering.

"Shut up." Juliet tells them both, and Kate wonders why she didn't just say it herself. Suddenly she feels completely helpless. As if she lost more than just her sight. She is waiting for Jack to say something, to do something, to make everything ok. Because that is what Jack does, what he has always done. But maybe that ship has sailed. Jack keeps his distance, as if he is afraid. It's Juliet that pulls Kate to the ground by the fire, and tells her to sleep, that things will be better in the morning.

"Don't touch her, you've done enough." Sayid orders. But something silences him, Kate can't tell what, a look from Jack, or Juliet, something she hasn't seen. And she realises with horror that the rest of her life will be exactly like that, missing things that she can't see. Never knowing what is truly going on.

Kate never imagined darkness would feel so alone, so isolated. Even though she could hear the others breathing, she couldn't see them, couldn't trust that they were really there. What was to stop them packing up and leaving her for dead. What use was a blind woman? Jack had been close to leaving her behind as it was.

'If anyone gets left behind, it won't be Juliet.' Those had been Jack's final words on the subject. The words that had silenced her accusations against Juliet. The words that wounded her so deeply that hours later she actually sat by that fire and listened to Sayid's plans for murder, and thought to herself, yeah, good idea. And yet she had been the one to jump in front of Juliet when Sayid attacked her. Leading Kate to conclude she lost her mind before she lost her sight. And she doesn't know which loss terrifies her more.

Kate can feel eyes upon her, watching her. And it irritates her beyond belief to think that they are watching her, and she can't see them. It makes her feel powerless. And exposed. And alone.

~  
As morning came, Kate knew before she even tried to open her eyes, that she still couldn't see. Somehow a part of her had believed Juliet when she promised that things would be better in the morning. The disappointment was crushing. And she resented Juliet for telling her everything would be alright, resented herself for believing in those meaningless words.

No one said a word about it, they just packed up, and left, Juliet taking her by the hand leading her through the jungle. Kate slowed them down, unquestionably. Forcing them to camp another night in the jungle before reaching the beach.

"Can't you go any faster?" Jack says it to Juliet, as it Kate wasn't standing right there. "There's nothing wrong with her legs." He adds. "Probably nothing wrong with her eyes either." And then he turns to Kate "You better not be playing games with me Kate."

The venom in his voice cuts right through her, and she is thankful she cant see the look of contempt in his eyes. Even still, Kate obeys him, tries to pick up the speed. But the faster Kate tries to walk, the more frequently she stumbles on the uneven ground. Darkness is swirling all around her and she can scarcely tell which way is up. She is dazed and disoriented, and Her arms ache from Juliet pulling her along the endless trail. With her free hand Kate tries to protect her face from overgrown branches. And she resolves there and then, she is simply not going to live her life like this.

"There is definitely something wrong with her head." Sayid mumbles under his breath, still upset that Kate had wrecked his planned execution of Juliet, Still confused as to just what she thought she was doing. Truthfully, he felt that Kate got what she deserved. She should have gone back to camp when he told her to. Then he would have ended this once and for all. But he wasn't about to pass up a chance to make Juliet look bad. To try to convince Jack to get rid of this "other" woman.

"Shut up." Juliet tells them both . And again Kate wonders why she hadn't spoken herself? Had she lost her voice along with her sight and her mind? When did Juliet become her protector and defender?

Kate knows that this isn't some temporary affliction. This is forever. She will never see the light of day again. And Kate also knows that a blind person can't survive in this god forsaken place. She couldn't hunt to feed herself, couldn't protect herself, she was just like a helpless child, depending on others to take care of her. In an instant she had gone from clever, resourceful woman, an asset to the others, to completely and utterly useless. A burden. Right now this woman who was her sworn enemy was leading her by the hand through the jungle, when her own people would have left her for dead. Should have left her for dead. If none of them had the courage to do what needed to be done, Kate resolved that she would simply take matters into her own hands.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3 **_

Kate waits until she hears the others slow rhythmic breathing, indicating they are asleep. And she makes her way, silently, away from the camp site. She doesn't know where she is going, and moves slowly her hands in front of her to makes sure she doesn't crash into anything. She takes small hesitant steps to avoid tripping over, and tries to make as little noise as possible.

After she has walked for what feels like hours through the dense jungle, she feels like she has gone far enough. She stops. She takes a deep breath. Kate knows she doesn't have to do anything. She could just wait here, for however long it took. For some wild animal or jungle creature to attack her, until she runs out of water, or freezes to death. But she doesn't want to risk the others finding her. No matter how much Jack hated her right now, even he would probably not sit back and let her die out here. How could he resist the opportunity to play hero, to rescue the poor little blind girl from the big bad jungle?

She reaches to her pocket for the knife. She had tried to find it in Sayid's bag when the three had left her to go searching for firewood. Groping around in the dark, trying not to mess things up to cause him suspicion. Sayid must know his knife is missing by now. He must know Kate was the one who took it, the only one with opportunity when the other three had left to collect firewood. And yet Sayid said nothing. He wants me to do it, she thinks to herself. It's what they all want.

"What are you doing Kate?" Juliet's voice pulls Kate from her thoughts.

Kate spun her head around, fruitlessly. She couldn't see anything but darkness.

"Go away." She answered.

But the other woman moved closer, and asked again "What are you doing Kate?"

"What's it to you?"

"Give me the knife Kate."

"What's it to you?" Kate repeats

"Well." Juliet answers "If Jack and Sayid were to walk along here, find you dead, your throat slit, bleeding all over the place, and me standing here? They'd think I killed you. I'd probably end up dead right alongside you."

"Jack wouldn't think that." Kate tells Juliet, and they both know its true.

"Perhaps not." Juliet concedes "But I'm not sure Jack could save me from Sayid, or from the others once they find out I murdered you."

"I don't really give a shit what happens to you." Kate informs Juliet.

"Don't you Kate?" It was unnerving the way Juliet kept using her name at the end of every sentence. "Is that why you stepped in front of me when Sayid attacked me?"

"I tripped." Kate lied.

"I see." Juliet responds, before realising that may have been a poor choice of words.

"Go away." Kate tells her again.

"No." Juliet answers.

"You don't know how things work around here, do you?" Kate asks.

"Maybe you could enlighten me?"

"It's survival of the fittest. It has to be."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"It makes perfect sense." Kate answers, irritated now.

"If you determine "fitness" by who has survived, you've taken all the meaning out of your own argument. Survival of those who survive, that's all it means. It isn't the fittest who survive, nor the strongest, not the most loved, nor the most deserving. Those who survive, survive. That;s it. It's random. There is no reason, no sense, none of us is any more deserving than those who perished before us. And you, Kate, are a survivor. You're just going to have to live with it."

"No." Kate answers. "I wont. Now leave."

Kate waits to hear the sound of retreating footsteps, but Juliet makes no sound.

"Get the hell out of here, Do you think I wont do it right in front of you?' Kate presses the knife more firmly to her throat, and takes a step back from where Juliet is standing. "Do you think I wont swing the knife at you if you try to take it from me?"

"This isn't right Kate, and you know it." Juliet says, and Kate thinks she can hear a hint of panic in the other woman's voice. Now that she has lost her sight, she hears things more clearly than ever before. And its panic she hears. It makes her feel powerful. But Kate imagines Juliet's eyes, and they are cold and unwavering as always.

"Why does it really matter so much to you? Am I one of your precious medical experiments?"

"Yes." Juliet answers softly.

Kate hadn't meant that as a genuine suggestion, yet it was all too plausible. And it hurt her, because she had started to wonder if Juliet actually cared about her. She shook her head, she must be getting desperate, wishing to herself that Juliet cared about her? She had lost her mind. It was pathetic.

"I injected you, with something, before you hit your head." Juliet explains.

Kate lowers the knife, and loosens her grip. Juliet could have easily taken it from her grasp, having the advantage of being able to see. And yet Juliet didn't move. She saw little point in overpowering Kate, dragging her back to the camp site. She would only try again. Juliet had to find a way to make her listen, to believe there was something to live for.

"Why?" Kate asks angrily.

"It was an accident." Juliet says it so sincerely and Kate wants to believe it. But she can't let herself get sucked in.

"You accidentally injected me with something to make me go blind?"

"I didn't know what the exact effects would be." Juliet continues.

"Oh. Well, now you know. Experiment is over. Leave me alone."

"It was meant for Sayid." Juliet finally admits.

"He was right about you all along." Kate realises aloud "You're one of them. Out to destroy us. Sayid was right."

"No. Kate. No" Juliet protests, and it's the most emotion Kate has ever heard in the womans voice. "He was trying to kill me. He threw a knife at me. You saw it. It was self defence."

"Hitting him on the head with a rock is self defence. Injecting him with strange,,,whatever..that is just insane. How was that going to stop him killing you? to stop the others killing you?"

"I wasn't thinking. It was all I had time to grab when we left. I wasn't thinking was all I had to defend myself with."

"Well thanks a lot. That's just great. I stepped in front of you, saved your life, thought I was doing the right thing…."

"Oh, excuse me, I thought you 'tripped'" Juliet can't help but say it.

"….And you made me go blind. And I'm responsible for setting you free on all my friends, what are you going to blind them to?"

"It was an accident, and I didn't know what the effects would be." Juliet explains again "I'm sorry." She adds softly. And to Kate's ears it sounds sincere. But this as stone. She has never known Juliet any other way.

"Don't tell me you're sorry. Tell me you can fix it."

"I can." Juliet answers. But her voice is shaking.

"You're lying." Kate accuses her.

"Why would I Kate?" Juliet says it so sincerely, that she almost believes it herself.

Kate doesn't know the answer. "I can fix this, let me fix it. Give me the knife and come back to the camp with me."

"You're lying." Kate accuses her again.

Yes I'm lying. Juliet silently confesses ,The whole thing is a lie. I never injected you with anything, and I don't know how to fix this. But you need to believe in me, in this cure, so believe it. Give me the knife, and take my hand, and believe me when I tell you I can fix this. "If you could see my eyes Kate, you'd look into them, and you'd know I'm not lying. What have you got to lose anyway? Standing here ready to throw your life away?"

"Plenty." Kate answers. "My dignity, honour."

"I know you." Juliet begins "This isn't who you are."

"You don't know me."

"I know you're not a quitter. You just need something, some small thing, to hold onto. Once you have it, you wont let go. Standing here, now, you think you have nothing. But you're wrong."

"What do I have, Juliet, what do I have left?"

"You tell me. What is it that kept you alive all these years, while your father abused you and your mother day after day with no end in sight? What is it that kept you alive when you were on the run, when even your family turned against you and there was no one to turn to? When your best friend was killed and your heart ripped out, consumed with grief and guilt, what stopped you picking up a knife, a gun, ending everything then and there? What is it that kept you alive these months on this god forsaken island? Tell me?"

Kate has no answer, and Juliet continues.

"If I fixed this, gave you back your sight, would that solve the problem? Things would be ok, life would be worth living?"

"Yes" Kate answers.

"You're the liar, Kate."

"You don't know anything." Kate shouts angrily tightening her grip on the knife in her hand, holding it infront of her, ready to attack.

"I know it must be frightening to have your sight taken from you, especially in a place like this. But there is so much more to life than this place. One day we'll be home. All this will seem like a dream."

"Do you really believe that?"

"I have to. It's what keeps me going."

"Well, as you just reminded me, I don't have a whole lot to look forward to back home."

"You have the future. Anything could happen. People care about you Kate.

"People did, when I was useful to them. Now I'm useless, I'm of no value."

"People still care. Not because of what you can or cant do for them, but because they care about who you are. Jack cares."

"Not anymore. You're the one who told me I broke his heart, remember."

"He still cares."

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going back there, to the beach, like this. I cant stand the way that everyone will look at me, with pity."

"Well you wont be able to see the way they are looking at you." Juliet says lightly. And Kate actually smiles.

"Can you really fix it?" Kate asks. "Tell me the truth."

"I think so." Juliet answers, and it's not entirely a lie. Maybe she could find something to fix it, even though she hadn't caused it. Maybe it would just go away on its own. Maybe in time Kate would come to see that life isn't meaningless just because she lost her sight. All of those possibilities depended on her getting through to Kate in this very moment. Stopping her from doing something stupid.

"Ok." Kate answers. Loosening her grip on the knife. Juliet reaches forward to take it in her right hand, and with her left, she takes Kate's hand in her own. "Ok" She agrees.

It's at that exact minute they hear Jack and Sayid calling out. Jack is calling for Juliet, Sayid is calling for Kate. Juliet drops Kate's hand suddenly. The heavy footsteps come closer and then stop, there is silence. Kate wonders why, because she cant see the picture the way the guys do, Juliet standing there, knife in her hand.

"What the hell is going on?" Jack asks.

Kate wishes she could sink away into the ground, waiting for Juliet to tell Jack how she had found Kate pathetically cowering in the jungle, knife in her hand, too gutless to do what needed to be done. Kate waits for Jack to take the knife in his hand and say "here , let me" Kate waits for her opportunity to tell Jack that Juliet did this to her. Waits to hear him take Juliet's side, telling Kate that she somehow deserved it. But none of that happens. Instead, Juliet says….


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4 **_

"We were just, uh, going to the ladies room."

Juliet's explanation is met with silence. Kate can't tell what is happening around her. She can't even begin to imagine the looks exchanged between the three of them. The silence is so absolute, Kate wonders if they are still standing there at all? Or had the three of them quietly crept away leaving her alone? It feels to Kate like she has ceased to exist. Darkness and fear swirl around her, her legs give way beneath her, and she stumbles backwards, leaning against a nearby tree. Kate lifts her head towards the sky. Wondering if the moon is bright, wondering if the stars were shining.

Juliet 's touch pulls her back to reality, as Juliet once again takes her hand leading her along the unsteady path. Connected to the other woman, Kate feels grounded, Kate feels safe. Kate has never felt such extreme intimacy from the touch of another person. She wonders if it is a consequence of losing her sight, that all her other senses are more enhanced? Or is it for some other reason?

Kate begins to realise that there is so much she has missed in the other woman when she only looked towards Juliet and evaluated her with her eyesight. There is so much beneath the surface that couldn't be visualised. An unknown depth to Juliet. Something she never would have believed existed if anyone had tried to tell her.

Back at the camp, Juliet pulls Kate to the ground, helping her arrange blankets. Almost as if Kate were a child. Anger rises in Kate, at being so helpless. Yet somehow, she swallows her bitter resentment and finds a shred gratitude in her heart for Juliet. It wasn't like Jack or Sayid were falling over themselves to help her.

"You stole my knife" Sayid demands.

"We took it with us, for protection." Juliet answers. "And you ought to take more care, it shouldn't have been so easy for me to take it from you without you noticing."

Kate couldn't help but smile. It had been so easy for her, a blind girl, to snatch that knife. Sayid should be more careful, Juliet was right.

"Don't go off again, without telling us where you are going." Jack warns them. It almost sounds like he cares, Kate thinks to herself. Then she realises, Jack does care. About Juliet.

No one speaks from that point on. Juliet watches over Kate as she closes her eyes, falling into a restless sleep. Once the men have also settled to sleep, Juliet can't resist urge to touch Kate. To gently entangle Kate's beautiful curly hair around her fingers. Juliet feels protective towards Kate. She knows Kate is far from helpless, but there is a hidden vulnerability behind that tough facade. This place was harsh enough without adding blindness. Still, it's not the blindness that Juliet fears most. It's the way she can almost see Kate's heart cracking in front of her very eyes at every callous comment from Jack. Juliet had watched Kate, who had little enough value in herself to begin with, look constantly to Jack for reassurance, for love, for affection, for worth. And, receiving nothing from him, Kate was withering away piece by piece.

The way Jack and Sayid had discussed Kate, actually causes Juliet to wonder- if she had not been with them, would they have left Kate for dead in the jungle? Juliet doesn't think Jack is that heartless. Still, it was no wonder Kate felt desperate enough to pick up that knife and hold it to her throat. Her own people cared nothing for her suffering. Perhaps that was just the way of this island. Every man for himself. How long would Kate last here with no one to look out for her? Before she became totally isolated and lost all hope?

While Juliet had not injected Kate with any blindness inducing toxin, she does feel guilty. After all, Kate stepped in front of her, she was the one who pushed Kate to the ground causing her to hit her head. Juliet also feels responsible for every last thing the 'others' had done, for she had been a part of it. But it isn't only a sense of guilt motivating Juliet. Beyond that, Juliet is drawn to Kate, to the desperation in her eyes. She feels compelled beyond all logical reason to protect her, to take care of her. And while there may be nothing she can realistically do to cure Kate's blindness, she can no longer stand to watch Kate fade away.

Juliet knows she can't stand up in the morning, announcing to Jack and Sayid that she and Kate are going back to the compound. Sayid, for his overwhelming lack of concern for Kate's well being, did value Kate as a playing piece in the game. Kate belonged to their side, and Sayid would not let Juliet take her without a fight.

Jack would be opposed for other reasons. The reasons he wouldn't leave Juliet behind in the first place. Juliet was all too aware of the feelings Jack held for her. And his feelings of hatred and resentment towards Kate over her indiscretion with Sawyer, and blaming her for destroying his chances to get off the island. Juliet wanted to prevent Jack twisting that knife just a little deeper in Kate's wounded heart by the conversation that Juliet imagined would go something along these lines...

_'For her, Juliet? You're gonna trek back through that jungle alone, just you and a blind girl, risk your own life and for what? She isn't worth it Juliet.'_

She is worth it, Juliet tells herself. Even if Jack doesn't see it anymore, even if she herself doesn't think so, Kate is worth everything. And Juliet resolves that she is going to do everything she can to make sure Kate survives this.

Kate is woken from her restless sleep by the sensation of Juliet's finger across her lips, motioning her to be silent. Kate knows without a shadow of a doubt that it's Juliet's finger, because Juliet's touch sends shivers down her spine in a way Jack's touch never did. Juliet takes Kate's hand, gently guiding her to her feet.

Kate wants to ask what the fuck is going on. There should be alarm bells going off in her head. This woman, one of the enemy, the person who blinded her, is now trying to sneak her away from the camp site without Jack and Sayid knowing. Kate wonders if Juliet is going to lead her away into the jungle and leave her to die alone. Kate would never find her way back on her own in total darkness. It was hard enough navigating the jungle with perfect eyesight. But something doesn't quite ring true about that scenario. Why would Juliet have bothered to go to all that trouble taking the knife off her earlier just to leave her in the jungle to die?

"Trust me." Juliet whispers softly in her ear. So softly Kate wonders if she imagined it. Yet the words so powerful that Kate does as she was asked. Kate's complete and total trust in the woman is insane. And yet Kate follows, unquestioningly.

_'I do trust you.' _Kate thinks to herself. '_I don't know why I trust you, but I do.'_

The two walked in silence for what felt like hours. Kate could not even tell what direction they were heading. Kate lifts her head upwards, warmth all around her from the morning sun rising in the sky. Kate knows intellectually that the sun must be shining brightly on such a warm day. And yet all she can see is darkness.

Finally Juliet stops, taking a drink from the water bottle before passing it to Kate. Kate waits for an explanation, and when Juliet offers none, Kate comes out and asks. "Where are we going?"

"Back to the compound." Juliet tells her. "I need equipment, books. Anything the others left behind in the lab that I can use. There is nothing at the beach that's going to be any use. I told you i'd fix this, and I will."

Kate was speechless. Juliet was going back all that way, through the jungle, risking her life, back to the compound, to find a cure for Kate's blindness? Why would Juliet want to? She didn't strike Kate as a woman who felt responsible for the way her actions affected others. As a woman who would let guilt drive her halfway across the island risking her own life in the perilous jungle. Kate doesn't voice her thoughts aloud, aware she would sound ungrateful, almost accusing. And since Juliet is the only person left who actually gives a damn about her, Kate holds her tongue. Instead she asks the second most burning question "Why did we have to sneak away like that?"

"You think Sayid was going to let me take you away? You think Jack was going to let us traipse off alone in the jungle? It wouldn't have worked."

"They are going to come after us." Kate answers.

"No. They are not." Jack and Sayid had been easily dealt with. Juliet had simply written a note, stating that she was still working with the others, that the had taken Kate. That unless Jack and Sayid wanted to die they should go back to the beach and stay there. Juliet doubted either man would care enough to make a big deal out of it. They would count their losses, and move on.

As Kate hands the water bottle back to Juliet, she realises that Juliet had been carrying all their supplies.

"Let me take the bag." Kate insists

"No it's fine. It's not heavy, I packed light."

"I'm not completely incompetent. I'm still good for something, Juliet. Give me the bag."

Juliet smiled at the determination that found it's way back into Kate's voice. The smile of satisfaction that crept across Kate's face as Juliet complied and handed over the bag. For the first time since losing her sight, Kate seems like the old Kate. And Juliet knows in that moment that she has made the right decision. Whatever happens from this point, the two of them are better off far away from that beach.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: I apologise in advance for the deterioration of this story. One reason I never seem to finish a fic is because the story seems to deteriorate as I go on, and perhaps it would be better to quit while I'm ahead. I also apologise for the long gaps between updates. But thanks to all of the wonderful people both here and at LJ who have nagged me relentlessly to finish this fic in particular, I have decided to do it! It might not be the greatest but it will at least get to the end :) Hope to update this fic daily from now on.

As always, this fic is for _Kassandra Luem,_ 'my Ju and my Juliet', the most amazing girl I ever met, the girl who introduced me to Kate and Juliet and gave me the prompt for this fic, and the girl who shines so brightly even from far across the ocean that she floods my dismal dark world with light. Also for each and every person both here and at LJ who has read the story, and left such amazing feedback. You guys make my world go around. I really hope you enjoy it. Please if you are reading, take a minute to leave a comment. I can't tell you how much it means to get feedback. Even if you don't like the story, constructive criticism always welcome too :) Thanks xoxo

_**Chapter 5**_

For three days Kate and Juliet resided peacefully in Juliet's old house at the compound. The building survived relatively unscathed by the attack prior to the 'others' departure. Or So Juliet tells her, Kate can't see for herself. It had been three long days of dark, silent, solitude. A solitude that Kate hadn't known for a long time. Yet, somehow, it almost leaves Kate feeling peaceful.

When she wakes on the fourth morning, Kate is aware of the bright lights in her peripheral vision. The blurry, undistinguishable shapes. A bright glimmer of hope races through her heart, yet she is careful to make no outward sign of this.

Kate doesn't say a word to Juliet about her occasional flashes of light. Because maybe she is only imagining things, after all? Maybe she is afraid that speaking it aloud would cause it to vanish?

And just maybe she has grown accustomed to the way Juliet holds her hand, firmly but gently, leading her through the house. Maybe she has grown accustomed to the way Juliet has become her eyes. Maybe she isn't ready to let go of that magical melody of Juliet's voice resounding in the darkness. The way it feels like Juliet's soothing tones are the only sound in the entire world. As if this dark world stands empty, uninhabited, all but for her, and Juliet.

It had taken Kate by surprise to discover there was some comfort in losing her sight. Kate could pretend that the world did not exist. The _entire _world- not just the island, not just Jack, not just the plane crash or the 'others'. But everything. The past; harrowing and haunting, behind her. And the future; uncertain and frightening, ahead of her. All of it ceased to matter. The only thing that mattered was her, and Juliet. The woman she was getting to know more each day as they both opened up to one another. Kate had been surprised to discover she and Juliet had a lot in common. That the two of them somehow fit together, and forged a rocky friendship in spite of the obstacles.

Somewhere along the way, things shifted. Kate finds herself no longer afraid of blindness, rather she has become afraid of seeing. Afraid of what she will see when she opens her eyes and takes a good hard look at herself in the mirror.

Kate wonders what will happen if and when her sight returns completely. Would she and Juliet join the other survivors at the beach? It wasn't like they could hide away here forever. Sooner or later the food would run out. Plus, there was safety in numbers. And what would happen to she and Juliet if the "others" ever returned here? It was the sensible choice by far to return to the crowd at the beach. And yet the thought of it makes Kate's blood run cold. And it's more than just the excruciating pain of seeing Jack every day, living face to face with the man who rejected her. Somehow, the thought of sharing Juliet with others grieves her. The Juliet she had come to know as unique, as belonging to her exclusively.

However, as settled as Kate feels in Juliet's little house, Kate isn't deluded enough to believe that she is really living. This life here is only hiding. Only running. The thing she had been doing her whole life. Here, she had given up. She was no longer fighting for anyone, for anything. There was no longer even the thrill of running from the law that fuelled her existence for so long. No longer crazy plans and missions for escape, for attacking the "others." She was merely existing. Day by day. With no purpose. What was the point of even getting out of bed in the morning? It seems wasteful, pathetic, pointless. And still, Kate admits, it feels nice.

It reminds Kate, oddly, of her brief ill fated marriage. The life she knew she was not cut out for. The life she knew was too good to be true. The life she knew she had to walk away from. Still, that had been nice too, just for a little while. This time however, living here in this insane place with Juliet Burke of all people, even Kate's ever present desire to run has dwindled to nothing. Even her desire to be free, to be alone, had vanished. It alarms her more than a little to find she is quite content right where she is. In this dark and pointless place. With Juliet Burke.

...~...

"What time is it?" Kate asks later that evening.

"Sunset." Comes the answer from Juliet.

"Tell me, what does it look like?"

Juliet takes Kate by the hand, leading her outside, as the two women sit under a tree gazing up at the sky. Kate could make out only brightness, no shapes, no colours. Yet it was an improvement to the complete and utter darkness she had endured for the past week. So she closes her eyes, allowing Juliet's description to wash over her.

Juliet hesitates for a moment, as if talking about the beautiful things that Kate can no longer see was the wrong thing to do. But Kate pleads with her, "Please, be my eyes. Tell me what you see."

"I'm not sure I have the words." Juliet begins softly. "It's magnificent. So many colours blending in the horizon. The bright blue fading into shades of pink, and orange, and purple. Too many colours and shades to name. There is just a small scattering of cloud marring the clear sky. Everything around is dimming in the fading light. Colours around turn to grey, shadows dancing across the ground. Everything around us is falling slowly into darkness. And the only thing shining is the brightness of the colourful sky. Even that is fading surreptitiously away. So slowly that you almost don't notice. Until one moment you look up, and the colours are gone, and instead there is just the glow from the bright stars shining down on us."

"Sounds magical." Kate utters, as she conjures the picture in her mind.

"It is." Juliet concedes. "But no more so than any other sunset in this place. I've been her for three years, Kate. And I wonder if I've ever taken time to appreciate the sunset. To appreciate anything in the beauty of this island."

"I know what you mean." Kate agrees. "I don't think I've ever stopped and stared in wonder at the beauty of the sunset over the ocean here. This place has always been a place of horror- the plane crash and the ever fading hope of rescue. Sometimes it seemed a place of respite from life on the run, constantly looking over my shoulder. Sometimes it seemed like a place just like any other, a place of rejection. Never a place of beauty. "

Juliet makes no answer as her eyes are fixed towards the fading sky and darkness falls around them.

"But surely you must have seem something in this place? To chose to come and work here?" Kate asks her.

Juliet remains silent beside her. Only for the fact she can hear Juliet quietly breathing does Kate know that the woman is still there.

"Juliet?" She prompts her gently.

Juliet finds silent tears streaming down her face as she opens up to Kate, telling her the story of how she had come to be on the island. Telling her about Rachel and Julian, and how she didn't even know if they were alive or dead. How her own sister would believe Juliet just ran out on her. Telling of the years she had been forced to work for Ben, compromising her integrity for that distant hope of escaping back to her real life.

Juliet finds the words come easier than she expected. She finds that she feels safe somehow, to open up to Kate and share her soul, in a way she never would have dreamed of doing only a week ago. Somehow the terrible affliction of Kate's blindness had turned into a blessing, breaking down the barriers between them. And Juliet feels, for the first time in three years, like she isn't alone.


	6. Chapter 6

_***** Warning for femslash interaction in this chap, if it offends you, please don't read :) *****_

_**Chapter 6**_

"The things I did..I never meant to hurt anyone." Juliet proclaims in a shaky voice.

"You don't have to justify anything to me." Kate shifts uncomfortably, almost imperceptibly. She isn't sure what Juliet wants to hear from her.

"I do." Juliet insists. "Because I hurt you, hurt your people. I want you to know, that's not who I am. I want you to know, that I'm sorry."

"I know that." Kate answers.

Juliet doesn't doubt her sincerity. But it makes no sense to her. She has spent so much of life hiding herself away, how could anyone truly know her heart anymore? "How do you know, Kate?"

Kate shrugs "I just know." It's all she has to offer. She has never been one with words, never one for deep and meaningful conversations.

"I suppose you think I was pretty damn stupid, getting caught up in all of this." Juliet remarks.

Kate doesn't lie to her, after all it was a damn stupid mistake to make. But there is no point in making the other woman feel bad about it now. "I'm in no position to criticise other people's stupidity." Kate tells her with a smile on her face. It's the best Kate has to offer in the way of reassurance. It doesn't occur to her to tell Juliet that it wasn't her fault. It's not something that matters to Kate, the concept of other people's judgements about guilt or innocence. No one, not one, had ever told her it wasn't her fault the things that happened with Wayne. And, besides, Kate never needed to hear it. She made peace in her own mind with the things that she had done. It doesn't occur to her for a second that Juliet is seeking absolution from her.

Juliet says nothing in response. All Kate wants in that moment is to leave this place where her words seem to matter so much to Juliet. Why is Juliet looking to Kate for answers, for comfort? It must be pretty damn obvious from her own screwed up life that Kate has little to offer in the way of advice or reassurance. Still, Kate can't walk away, and feels the pressure to say something.

"I never understood you before. There was something that never made sense to me. Because I liked you. Admired you. And yet, you were one of them. So I told myself that I was wrong, that you were just a damn good actress, manipulating me into feeling this connection with you. Something so strong that I couldn't stand there and let Sayid hurt you. And it made no sense to me. But now you explained it to me, now I understand. Now I know that the thing I first saw in you, that's the real you, who you are. Everything else, the things you did to survive, that doesn't matter. It's not real. It's not who you are. "

With her hand Kate reaches forth and touches Juliet's face, feeling the muscles tense in a hesitant smile. Another reason to keep silent about her returning vision, Kate didn't want to relinquish the sudden permission she had to touch Juliet in a way she would never have dreamed of or got away with if she weren't the poor little blind girl.

Juliet closes her eyes, enjoying the feeling of Kate's soft probing fingertips on her face. She has never felt closer to another human being in her life. She can't help the silent tears that fall from her eyes.

When Kate realises Juliet is crying, she pulls her hand away hastily. "I'm sorry." Kate mumbles "I didn't mean to upset you."

"No." Juliet tells her quickly. Juliet reaches for Kate's hand, taking it in her own and placing it back on her cheek, gently stroking the back of Kate's hand at the same time. "Don't be sorry. I saw something in you, too." Juliet tells her.

"Something like what?" Kate asks nervously.

"I don't know how to describe it." Juliet begins. Finally in soft tones she answers. "I saw something beautiful. Something that I wanted." Juliet reaches with her own hand towards Kate's face, gently brushing the curls from her eyes before allowing her hand to rest on Kate's shoulder.

Kate shifts away from Juliet's unexpected touch, uncomfortable with Juliet's proclamation. "I have nothing to offer you Juliet. You've given me so much, I have nothing to give back to you. I'm no use to you, no use to anyone anymore."

"Are you kidding me, Kate?" Juliet asks incredulously. "Do you know how many years I've lived here, never telling a soul about my life, how I came to be here. How desperately I longed for someone to listen to me, to see the real me, to believe in me that I'm not some kind of a monster. You did that for me Kate. You, and only you."

Kate doesn't answer, but she allows Juliet to take her hand. Kate feels her skin burning the way it always does when Juliet touches her. She had long since convinced herself that she was crazy to be thinking these thoughts about Juliet Burke. That she was crazy to even consider that Juliet might feel the same way.

"Do you know how beautiful you are, Kate? Do you know how much I want to kiss you right now?" Juliet asks her as she leans in close, whispering in Kate's ear.

"Then, Kiss me." Kate breathes in response.

Juliet had taken things slowly up until that point, not certain of Kate's feelings, not wanting to take advantage of her. But she doesn't wait for Kate to ask her twice. Right there on the dusty ground where they sat watching the sunset, Slowly she leans in, closing her eyes, and takes Kate's lips between her own. Gently at first and then with passionate force, as Kate responds to her hungrily. She only knows that suddenly she feels like she can't breathe unless Kate is close to her. When Kate pulls away gasping for air, Juliet can still taste her lingering on her tongue. She never wants to forget that taste as long as she lives. Juliet sighs with pleasure, resting her head on Kate's shoulder. She reaches her hand down Kate's shirt, caressing her breasts with her fingertips. Kate shivers in delight at Juliet's touch. Juliet buries her head in Kate's neck, softly kissing her over and over again.

Kate reaches forward in darkness, groping for the buttons of Juliet's shirt. She fumbles in the dim light with her diminished sight, but Juliet makes no move to help her, her own hands busy exploring Kate's body. Kate curses her blindness in that moment, as she clumsily removes Juliet's clothes. What she would give to be able to see Juliet in the flesh. It would be the most exquisite thing she has ever witnessed in her life. And the bitter disappointment stings her. Yet, she is determined to make the most of this, to explore every inch of the other woman's body with her hands, her lips, her tongue. And she does so, losing herself so completely in the other woman's touch, imagining so clearly in her mind every inch of Juliet's body, that for just a moment, she has entirely forgotten that she can't see.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7.**_

The next morning, neither woman mentions the events of the previous evening. Juliet wonders sadly if it was just a one off thing, caught up in the sunset in this crazy place. Kate wonders if it was all just a dream.

Over breakfast Juliet announces her plans for the day. "I need to get some supplies from the lab, to run some tests. You'll be ok for an hour or so?"

Kate rolls her eyes in response, the way she always does when Juliet makes a similar comment. "I'm pretty sure I'll survive." She replies in an irritated tone. Yet somewhere, deep down, it feels good to Kate that someone cares about her. Juliet must have known it, somehow known that Kate was a tiny bit grateful for the concern, because she made the same remark every day, never once put off by Kate's unfriendly reply. Either that or she did it deliberately to irritate Kate.

Just when Kate had convinced herself that the last night didn't happen, she is caught off guard as Juliet leans in and kisses her. "See you soon." Juliet whispers.

"Yeah, Bye." Is all Kate can manage to respond.

Truthfully, Kate was more than capable of navigating the small house without Juliet's assistance. But she never let on, enjoying somehow the way Juliet led her around by the hand. Thinking that Juliet somehow enjoyed it too, That she felt somehow useful. Enjoying too the way Juliet would describe the things she was seeing. The sunset. The trees. The clouds in the sky. Juliet's words painted such a picture that it was as if Kate was seeing it all for herself. The pictures in her mind more vivid than Kate had ever remembered the world. She wondered if that was what it looked like through Juliet's eyes?

The glimmers of light in Kate's peripheral vision had become more frequent. Things are shifting sharply into focus. Kate still doesn't breathe a word of this to Juliet, somehow afraid that if her vision returns it will mark the end of this idyllic life they have made for themselves. Kate is careful to keep her head turned slightly away from Juliet when Juliet speaks to her, afraid that she might suddenly be able to see the woman's face one day. Afraid that she won't be able to stop staring, and the game would be up. Without the blindness there was no reason for the two of them to be living alone here. Juliet would want them to go back to the beach. And no way in hell was Kate ready to give this life up.

When Kate is sure that Juliet has left for the lab, she stands to her feet, slowly making her way into the study. It is the room where Juliet works tirelessly on finding some sort of cure for the blindness. Kate feels a momentary stab of guilt at the thought of Juliet working so hard on a cure when her vision seemed to be improving each and every day on it's own. Kate pulls the curtains open, squinting from the bright sunlight. For a moment all she can see is flashes of white, then suddenly, for the first time, things shift into focus.

Kate isn't sure what she had been expecting. Microscopes maybe? Test tubes? Books? There is nothing. An almost vacant desk, only an empty coffee mug and solitary book that Kate couldn't make out the title, but which seemed to be some sort of paperback novel.

So that's what Juliet had been doing down here? Drinking coffee and reading a novel? All the while she pretended to work so hard on this "cure"? All the while she was lying through her teeth? And Kate, fool that she was, had fallen for the act. Again. Juliet had lured her here under false pretences. And lied to her every single day since they arrived.

It comes naturally to Kate to assume the worst concerning Juliet's motives. Life had taught her that people usually deserve harsh judgment. The bitter sting of betrayal is familiar to Kate, it's almost comforting. And she consoles herself that she had been right all along-- trust no one.

Her vision improving by the minute, Kate makes her way outside, squinting at the blurry objects. Slowly things shift into focus, she is able to make out trees, houses. It's more than she has been able to see in the past two weeks. She lifts her hand in front of her face and can at last make out the blurry shapes of her own fingers. For a moment, she has forgotten Juliet's betrayal, for a moment she has forgotten that blindness is the thing that has given her this peaceful life, for a moment all she wants is to scream Juliet's name, to run into her arms and tell her that she could see. To look at Juliet's face, to look her straight in the eyes as Juliet whispered that she was beautiful. But she pushes that foolish fantasy aside.

The morning is eerily still and silent. As Kate rounds the corner, she catches sight of the lab. Or more correctly, what is left of the lab. Kate sees now that it had been all but burned to the ground by the others before they had left. There couldn't possibly be anything of use left in there. So why did Juliet disappear for an hour every day under the pretence of "getting supplies from the lab" or "running tests at the lab" ? More lies.

Kate has never been one to give another human being the benefit of the doubt, and she wasn't going to start now. Not with someone who had messed with her heart like that. Instantly she convicts Juliet in her mind as a liar, an "other", a dangerous and deceitful woman. The woman really was cruel, cold, calculating, heartless. She really was just a good actress. Kate laughs aloud to herself as bitter tears threaten to fall from her eyes. She had been completely insane to picture this caring, compassionate, saviour Juliet. That was a delusion. She must have hit her head EXTREMELY hard on that rock.

Yet against all her common sense, Kate had trusted Juliet, Kate had loved her. Juliet betrayed that fragile trust. And it was the first and last chance Juliet was going to get. Kate was through giving people chances. How many times had she wanted to kill Wayne and talked herself out of it? Telling herself maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe he'll change. How many times had she gone pathetically to her mother desperate for acceptance and forgiveness, giving her endless opportunities to slam that door shut in her face? How many times had she looked to Jack, waiting for him to save the day, wanting him to look at her and for once not have that judgement in his stare? People never change, and you can't trust anyone, Kate reminds herself. One chance was more than enough. That's all anyone was going to get from her from now on. And Juliet Burke had just blown hers.


End file.
